


Tired of Being Here

by DreamersAndThieves



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Gen, in a fit of somewhat non-rage, it's all about noah, the others are just mentioned, took the whole "he's cute and creepy" to another level
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 23:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3707391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamersAndThieves/pseuds/DreamersAndThieves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noah Czerny is sick of being dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tired of Being Here

Noah’s life had turned into a series of in-betweens. Except for the cold, the cold was an absolute.

No one could really understand him, he knew he was speaking the same language as all of the _current_ Raven Boys, but no one could comprehend. Noah had even taken up learning Latin again from one of Ronan’s discarded textbooks among the thousands of books that Gansey had lying around (although most of his were in Welsh). Maybe brushing up on his Latin would get through to the dreamer boy.

Blue was the one who cared most, at least he thought so. But not even she could make him feel alive again.

* * *

 

Noah took to visiting Cabeswater every day shortly after the gang had discovered what he was. He rarely actually stays in Monmouth for long periods of time as he did before. He barely even remembers what the tiny room looks like.

For hours, he would lay atop the hood of his Mustang. No one would know he had been there, he didn’t even disturb the pollen that dusted the red paint yellow. After all, the words he and Ronan wrote were still there. Noah could barely stand it, his pride and joy was sitting here in this forest just _rotting_. Not even Ronan had thought to take the car out of Cabeswater. And from many hours of discussion, Adam hadn’t accepted his offer of taking the Mustang and fixing it up. _Even though it was doing nothing just parked in a magical forest rotting away for the better part of a decade._

Sometimes, as Noah lay there, everything began to hurt again. It started at his cheekbone, right where his best friend had struck him. Then the hurt just spread everywhere, from his head down to his feet. It felt like being in a car crash, only worse and repeated over and over again.

The pain usually caused a chain reaction. And step two of the pain was the crescendo that was his death. It almost always brought him back to the exact spot that Whelk had killed him. All for that stupid fucking ritual. That’s the price you pay for being loyal to your friends. Next thing he knows, his screams fill the air. He doesn’t realize he’s screaming, he doesn’t realize the shady figure standing at the edge of the clearing where he laid. He doesn’t see or hear anything for another few minutes.

* * *

 

 Kavinsky is dead, Gansey will follow soon after.

That’ll be three Raven Boys dead within a decade. Two were more prominent than the other, though.

* * *

 

Sometimes Noah smells the smoke and fire and blood that was Kavinsky. Sometimes he sees a shadowy figure on the fringes of his vision, but as soon as he turns his head to look, it’s gone. Sometimes he even hears Kavinsky screaming and shouting. There’s no making out whether the screams were of pleasure or pain. Noah doesn’t care to find out. He’s still mad at Kavinsky for draining his energy while he was alive.

Ronan still has nightmares, but it’s not anything about the night horrors.

Ronan doesn’t even know that Noah can see what he dreams. That’s what happens when you’re connected to Cabeswater, no one’s bothered to care about what he does, though.

Ronan’s mind is a dark place. Nothing can hurt him, though. Only the greywaren could hurt him by draining the Ley Line. But he wouldn’t do that, the greywaren loves the magician too much. The magician is connected to the Line, too, he repairs it so often. And the greywaren would never hurt the magician by hurting the Line and the repairs he’s done.

Everyone is a slave to the Ley Line.

Everyone but the _oh-so-special_ greywaren who controls it.

* * *

Noah wishes he wasn’t dead.

Noah wishes that Gansey had died so his fate wasn’t sealed.

Noah wishes that the stupid Welsh king never existed. If he didn’t, he would still be happy. He would have graduated so long ago with his so called friends. He would have been happy with his family for a few more years until he found a soulmate of his own. He would’ve been _living_. He had _plans._

* * *

 

Kavinsky appears out of the blue one day, three weeks (down to the minute) from his death. He’s covered in burns, but he doesn’t look that damaged. He still looks normal, it was almost impossible knowing how he died. But the Line loves to repair people like that. Noah hadn’t shown back up with blood staining his Aglionby uniform, he hadn’t reappeared with his hair sticky from lying in pools of blood from the trauma.

They talk for a long time.

They have more in common than Noah had previously thought.

But then, Kavinsky just leaves.

Noah should’ve learned by now, he has no real friends.

* * *

 

Ronan notices a change in Noah. There’s no more throwing him out of windows or scowling whenever Noah says something stupid. Ronan _notices._ He leaves tubes of glitter in Noah’s underused bedroom, but they never move.

The Ley Line stutters and loses its heartbeat for a while.

Noah was still there.

Noah doesn’t mind, he doesn’t even notice. He’s still just lying on the hood of his Mustang just staring up at the sky. The shadowy figure of Kavinsky had reappeared. He looked confused, worried, maybe.

* * *

 

The clouds parted after a moment and the sunlight shone down directly into Cabeswater, into the clearing where the dilapidated car rested. The pollen on the red paint had shifted, leaving a faint outline of the human body. But Noah was gone.

The series of in-betweens had finally ended, just how it had started. With no friends and with no one around to care.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's choppy and whatnot, but hey, it sorta fits? Noah isn't all there so neither are his thoughts.


End file.
